Dear Baby (ies)
How are you doing, you chilling? Yes?
okay cool, that’s good…now sweetheart, I’d like to give you a few tips on how we can get along better when you get here (here meaning earth with me).
I would really appreciate it if you indulged me and read this.
we’ll take it from the top
Once you are conceived, you will have cravings which will in turn control my eating habits so I need you to take it easy on me, which is why I have drawn a list of acceptable food.
1) Rice and Beans
2) Meat of almost all forms ( we don’t like liver)
3) Ice-Cream and chocolate of all kinds, forms and flavors
4) Smoothies/ Frozen Yogurt ( you know I’ve gotta watch my weight)
Secondly, I know it seems cute when you just kick without notice…NO!! We shan’t be having that, I would instead appreciate prior notice before you kicked so I could prepare myself and maybe even get your father for it. How do you get my attention? be creative. We share a placenta tug on it or something.
Third Honey, you really need to co-operate with me during the labour because I cant do it by myself and I honestly wont like to be stitched, easy peasy (ooh…wait! I think I may have a little control on that count…here’s praying I don’t choose a big head as your father) ok we’ll both work on it.
This one is quite important, there will be no biting my mammary glands when thou sucketh for sustenance. It is totally unacceptable and you will not act like a savage!
Beautiful, your crying is inevitable so I will simply ask you this, please don’t cry during the night time. Mummy really treasures her sleep and you will know its night time when mummy is in her most comfortable clothes (her jammies which will be imprinted with some cartoon character) and sporting a hair net atop her lovely mane of purchased hair.
In the bid to remain a “Yummy Mummy”, here are a few rules as to outside behavior. There will be NO spitting up on mummy in the presence of guests. we are operating a strict NO spit ship.
Baby, I beg you as you grow up do not inherit my stubborn, rough and naughty traits, please anything but that. Thank you.
Also prepare yourself for these lessons: Piano,Violin, Guitar Cello, Ballet, Swing, Mamba, Tango, Swimming, Archery, Basketball, Italian, Spanish and French.(No darling, none of the categories is dependent on your sex)
Finally Honeypie, I love you so much that for you, I’ll marry a science genius as I have no patience for that field of education,(Too much of an art enthusiast) giving you a balance in all fields with respect to your academics.
I expect A’s from you and NO! you may never ask what grades I got while I was in school.
That’s all I have for now, but be rest assured that I will send you updates to this letter, I Love Love Love you…you still non-existent person you.
From your trusted earth correspondent.
Yours truly and wonderfully