Better late than never eh? still thursday.
It was 2009 and that time, it was the greatest year of my life.
I was writing WAEC which meant that graduation was around the corner, meaning for me jailbreak from the boarding school I attended.
Being that I was a boarder, I think it’s safe to say that there was scarcity of entertainment and having just finished an exam we were all drained and just wanted to have a rest. Well most people did but not me, I was in the mood for some pepper flavoured noodles, I had the ingredients for my creation, all I needed was a stove.
I had turned in my mini gas cooker immediately after my home management exam (😒 lucky me) so I had to borrow a stove from a colleague.
I had my ingredients, my stove and my pot. I was ready to get my Chef on, which I did in style as I was surrounded by my friends.
With the noodles almost done, I remembered that I had forgotten to get a plate and being the lazy lady I was (still am sometimes) I didn’t want to go back to my dorm to get it which in my defense was like 30 steps away from where I was (imagine all that walking) so I did what any sane woman would do, I asked my friend and she agreed to give me a plate if I gave her something in return. A kareoke rendition of “Boobie” by DJ Zeez.
Easy as peas I thought but then she wanted a full rendition and I didn’t know what so I went in search of “The Nengi” who was in tune with the current musical strata of the outside world and agreed to help.
We started off the song “omoge Manchester sha le wa United…” and on we went till we burst into the chorus, by this time others had joined us and it became a special number, this I’m guessing was what lured the matron to us as other students were enjoying a wednesday night of service in the chapel.
“Matron is coming, Matron is coming” that was all it took to end the choir rendition and send me into an outright panic, pushing me to put off the flames of the stove.
That has been number 3 in my list of dumb things to do for a while now. Everybody knows that putting off a stove meant sending out a certain smell and you can bet that once I put it off the smell of burnt wicker filled the room.
I was in awe of my stupidity as the matron walked in and took one look at us all but said nothing. She may as well have been on auto pilot as the pilot of her face (her nostril ) led her straight to my pot of noodles, hiding under the bed next to the stove.
At this moment I realised that I had messed up big time, because should matron decide to report this indiscretion of mine, it meant suspension from school and looks of disappointment from my dad and mum, I could almost hear my dad asking me if I was sent to school to be a singing chef or that I should have told him cooking is what I wanted to do so he could set me up in a restaurant of my own.
So I prayed to God to help work a miracle.
Matron finally did something other than stare at us, she bent under the bed, picked up the stove and walked out without a word.
Shocked was the word of the minute as we all stood not knowing what to say.
I had just been discharged and acquitted of my crime and It felt good.
No disappointed looks from the parents and in celebration of this, I ate my noodles with relish!! And shared with NO ONE!!!