The Driveby



Dear Drivers,

You need to understand that just because Abuja has wide roads and relatively no traffic doesn’t mean you abuse the use of the road thank you,

Here’s my experience.

It was a beautiful sunny day in the capital, all was well with myself, and I was headed to my best friend’s house just at the peak of the noon.

My pretty top was giving me joy, my jeans were just the right measure of body hugging (ooh la la), my shoes were so comfortable I could sleep in them and I was all round excited that day, got in a cab (even if it was a bit overpriced, thank you fuel scarcity) but I thought to myself, nothing was going to ruin my good day, or so I thought.

Just 50 seconds to my destination, there is a car parked on the main road, its still on and I can see there is a human sitting in the driver’s seat, now that street is double parked as it is one of the few residential areas that has to deal with offices around it. The cab man honks signifying our presence as maybe his fancy BMW might not have a mirror with which we can be seen.

After the first honk, nothing happens, impatience gets to both myself and the driver because this young man is parked just on the street leaving us no space to get to my less than 50 second away destination.

So I thought to myself, why not just walk there since you are basically there, but even if I could walk the taxi man still had to wait for this insensitive human to get off the road, what was I going to do? Sit in the car and wait for this person to move or get out and rip him a new one so I did what any respectable person would do.

I got out of the cab and walked to the fancy BMW “Excuse me, you do realise you are parked on the road blocking others from moving forward when there is ample space for parking right ahead of you?”

He looked unshaken “I’m sorry I’m waiting for someone in the car next to me” making me look at the car beside his, I wasn’t having any excuses.

“Look you need to move your car before I call the mobile police on you this minute”

“By the time they get here I’ll be gone little girl” the gall of this human!

“Excuse me, little girl? You know what? Just get your car off the road, you have constituted a nuisance enough”

“little girl using big words eh, why don’t you run on back to school and finish that dictionary you were reading to impress people”

“I’d rather read a dictionary than be an insensitive, uneducated, backward  thinking primate like you, you sad excuse for a human” and with that I walked away, praying to God I didn’t get beat by this unknown stranger but then I had to think again did I go too far? Should I just have let it go then? Did I really need to respond to his taunt?

All this I thought of as I sat in the cab and adjusted my seat belt, waiting for the individual to move his car before I actually summoned the courage to carry out my imagination.

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